Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize