Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
