I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
