you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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