; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
