You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
