A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
