Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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