Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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