I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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