I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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