my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
