i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
