So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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