So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
