But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
