Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
