Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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