dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
