apparently the secret to your success is patron
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
In America we eat man semen.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
