dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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