oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
