So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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