this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
