I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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