So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
