im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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