i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
