she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
