It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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