Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I love having hate sex.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
