I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
