I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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