We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
