Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
