dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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