I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
