I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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