PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
