R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
