I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
