i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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