It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
