I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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