if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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