I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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