Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
