I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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