I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
