Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
