I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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