i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
