just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
