She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
