tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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