Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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