neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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