This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
