My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
