I like my sex mixed with concussions.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
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To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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