I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
