Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
