1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
