How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
