It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
