Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
