She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
