You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
